20 January 2022

I won’t keep your data. I won’t even look at your data. I don’t want your data. I can’t record your data. I barely mustered the skill to write the app; getting your data would just be too much trouble. And anyway, your data won’t get me a fancy new 16-inch MacbookPro M1 Max with 10-core CPU, 32-core GPU, and 16-core Neural Engine with 64GB unified memory and 2TB SSD storage, which is the main reason I’m writing apps for the App Store in the first place.

If I see you walking down the street running one of my apps on your device, I’ll immediately look away and think of something to make me forget everything about you, like that time I had to let my Great Aunt Gladys kiss me when she obviously had a piece of hours-old asparagus still stuck to her bottom lip.

Seriously. I don’t want your data. And no one who wants your data will be coming to me to get it. If they ever do, I’ll scare them off with a story about my Great Aunt Gladys.